Andrew Investigates: Best & Worst Bathrooms
Andrew Investigates, Campus Reviews, Videos — By Andrew Stein on July 13, 2009 at 4:25 amHere at KnightNews.com, we recognize the value of true, hard-hitting news. Well, as we see it, few things are more important than knowing where to go on campus when you need to find a good, clean restroom that is exclusive enough to meet your comfort needs.
We all know what it’s like to be a little bladder shy and find ourselves unable to locate a single-person bathroom, or perhaps the feeling of being in a building notorious for bathrooms that never have soap. The days of wonderment are gone. I, Andrew Stein, have gone undercover on the UCF campus to find the best (and the worst) places to relieve yourself.
Now, you are probably saying to yourself, “I have different bathroom taste than you do, Andrew.” Well, you may be right. But that’s the beauty of our undercover team; not only will I tell you about my findings, but we have exclusive video coverage inside the bathrooms around UCF.
I’ll start by laying some guidelines. I reviewed bathrooms based on a number of criteria: privacy within the bathroom, exclusivity, overall cleanliness, location, and functionality of amenities.
I went into bathrooms all over campus, but I’d like to highlight a few that are worthy of attention.
1. Math and Physics:
As our undercover video shows, this disastrous bathroom was plagued since is inception. Right off the bat, it’s flawed because it is on a different floor than the women’s bathroom. That means you need to separate from your group if you are not all the same gender. Additionally, there is a translucent window on the door of the bathroom, providing a welcoming peepshow to any and all who desire to see inside.
The sink is about as old as the Roman sewage system. The sink is activated by pressing down on an ancient foot pedal, while the water disperses from a circular tube. The experience of washing your hands is very similar to that of pigs feeding on a farm. For the guys, the urinals stick out so far from the wall, you don’t know whether to urinate in them or have a seat on them. On top of that, there are no walls between them, which is disastrous considering how close they are to one another. What do they think, I want to hold the hand of the guy next to me while I do my business? Dear lord.
2. Psychology Building, 3rd Floor
Wow, where do I start?
I’ll begin by explaining a fundamental bathroom theory: The higher the floor, the cleaner and more exclusive a bathroom will be. There is less traffic on the higher floors, leaving a bathroom cleaner and more private. This is an underused building as it is, and being on the 3rd floor makes it like a private penthouse.
The bathroom is inordinately clean, and for the guys, there is only one urinal with solid, high walls on both sides. You have pure privacy, so say goodbye to bladder shyness. And as for the stall, it is spacious, clean and uses a revolutionary plastic material for wall construction.
The sinks provide great pressure, and the bathroom is equipped with the liquid-to-foam hand soap, which smells wonderful. As you leave, you will notice the door is made of wood, which proves luxury at its finest and leaves you with a pleasant last impression.
This is certainly one of the finest bathrooms on campus.
3. Arena,1st Floor
I’ll keep this one brief. The bathroom smells fantastic, as I have likened the scent to that of a Martha Stewart trade show.
The sinks are the best on campus, providing home-style on and off knobs for full control, including a full range of temperature control.
For guys, I would just like to tell you that the architecture is horrible, and this bathroom has the most illogically-placed urinals I have ever seen. (Watch the video to understand what I mean.)
4. John T. Washington Center (Breezeway), Near UCF Federal Credit Union
Based on criteria that I consider valuable, I have rated this as the best bathroom on campus.
First of all, it is the most private bathroom anywhere. Once you go inside, it locks and the entire bathroom is only for one person. If you are bladder shy and need that extra privacy, this is second to none.
Furthermore, there is never a wait since most people do not know this bathroom exists. (This will soon change, however, with the release of this review).
The bathroom is spacious, clean and air conditioned, which makes it incredibly comfortable. Granted, it’s an older bathroom, but do not let the old image get int he way of the modern luxury.
For privacy, exclusivity, cleanliness, and functionality of amenities, this bathroom takes the cake. (A very warm, delicious cake).
Disclaimer: Do not confuse this bathroom with another bathroom on the breezeway across from Chick-Fil-A, which is not as nice.
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17 Comments
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Worst bathrooms on campus I’ve visited are on all four floors of the Engineering 1 building. They all seem to have major plumbing problems, there are normally big puddles under all the urinals, and it seems they always stink like urine…
Hmmm…the worst bathroom…take a look at this one http://toogeza.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/toilet.jpg )) THIS is one of the WORTST bathrooms I have ever seen.
Amy- that’s the *other* one. There is also a private women’s bathroom in the John T. like the one Andrew described. I’m very bathroom shy, so this was my favorite “business” haunt while I was a student.
I love this article! Well done.
Your comments regarding 3rd floor bathrooms can apply to pretty much any building. Take for example either the Library, any of the Engineering Buildings, or even the Student Union.
In fact, I think its safe to say that if you want a nice clean bathroom, pretty much anywhere that is not on the first floor would be a monumental improvement, assuming your bladder can survive the trip up the stairs
Hey there Amigo!
I never realized we might have the same bathroom taste! Excellent coverage for the Knight News. I don’t think we ever discussed splashguards for the urinals in our class…hope you never need the translation. Glad to know you continue to inspire and amuse.
Your forever fan, Mrs. White
You missed a bathroom. There’s a bathroom located across the way from the Marketplace in the Ferrell Commons next to career services. No one knows about it so *usually* its in good condition. There’s always the off chance that someone went in to purposely mess with it, but then again that can happen in any bathroom.
This is a great segment.
Stein’s greatest bathroom secret, was once my own – a (now well known) treasure none the less.
The video started in front of the Comm. building… you should have talked about those. Terrible! They’re big, but usually only like 3 stalls are clean enough to use (gross). There’s always garbage everywhere, and the toilets are crazy when they flush so water goes all over the place (sometimes on you) and all over the seat. I once visited the bathroom after a late class to find a janitor lady in there, talking on her cell phone and “cleaning” with her other hand. I guess that explains a lot.
more useful information like this is needed, i hope to see more of these videos. awesome job.
you are hilarious. i thoroughly enjoyed this.
I hate you Andrew, now my secret spots will be infested with students.
I agree with Max, also I want to point out that the third floor also has a new (or at least I’ve never noticed it before) bottled water refill spigot with presumably filtered water, something I’ve wanted in the Union forever.
Haha, great video! What about the 2nd floor in the union? That must be the best gold(brown) mine UCF offers. Its central, clean, private and they have big stalls. Check it out.
So funny! But I can’t believe you missed the bathrooms on the third floor of the Union!
The absolute best bathrooms on campus are in the new physical sciences building. The toilets are also single rooms and the urinals are also very private. They’re also waterless, so you don’t have to hear those scary noises.
Haha … that was so funny!!! Although I must say … if I remember correctly (it’s been a few years), the women’s bathroom at the John T. Washington Center actually has more than one stall and is very cramped and leaves a bit to be desired.