Here at KnightNews.com, we recognize the value of true, hard-hitting news. Well, as we see it, few things are more important than knowing where to go on campus when you need to find a good, clean restroom that is exclusive enough to meet your comfort needs.

We all know what it’s like to be a little bladder shy and find ourselves unable to locate a single-person bathroom, or perhaps the feeling of being in a building notorious for bathrooms that never have soap. The days of wonderment are gone. I, Andrew Stein, have gone undercover on the UCF campus to find the best (and the worst) places to relieve yourself.

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Now, you are probably saying to yourself, “I have different bathroom taste than you do, Andrew.” Well, you may be right. But that’s the beauty of our undercover team; not only will I tell you about my findings, but we have exclusive video coverage inside the bathrooms around UCF.

I’ll start by laying some guidelines. I reviewed bathrooms based on a number of criteria: privacy within the bathroom, exclusivity, overall cleanliness, location, and functionality of amenities.

I went into bathrooms all over campus, but I’d like to highlight a few that are worthy of attention.

1. Math and Physics:

As our undercover video shows, this disastrous bathroom was plagued since is inception. Right off the bat, it’s flawed because it is on a different floor than the women’s bathroom. That means you need to separate from your group if you are not all the same gender. Additionally, there is a translucent window on the door of the bathroom, providing a welcoming peepshow to any and all who desire to see inside.

The sink is about as old as the Roman sewage system. The sink is activated by pressing down on an ancient foot pedal, while the water disperses from a circular tube. The experience of washing your hands is very similar to that of pigs feeding on a farm. For the guys, the urinals stick out so far from the wall, you don’t know whether to urinate in them or have a seat on them. On top of that, there are no walls between them, which is disastrous considering how close they are to one another. What do they think, I want to hold the hand of the guy next to me while I do my business? Dear lord.

2. Psychology Building, 3rd Floor

Wow, where do I start?

I’ll begin by explaining a fundamental bathroom theory: The higher the floor, the cleaner and more exclusive a bathroom will be. There is less traffic on the higher floors, leaving a bathroom cleaner and more private. This is an underused building as it is, and being on the 3rd floor makes it like a private penthouse.

The bathroom is inordinately clean, and for the guys, there is only one urinal with solid, high walls on both sides. You have pure privacy, so say goodbye to bladder shyness. And as for the stall, it is spacious, clean and uses a revolutionary plastic material for wall construction.

The sinks provide great pressure, and the bathroom is equipped with the liquid-to-foam hand soap, which smells wonderful. As you leave, you will notice the door is made of wood, which proves luxury at its finest and leaves you with a pleasant last impression.

This is certainly one of the finest bathrooms on campus.

3. Arena,1st Floor

I’ll keep this one brief. The bathroom smells fantastic, as I have likened the scent to that of a Martha Stewart trade show.

The sinks are the best on campus, providing home-style on and off knobs for full control, including a full range of temperature control.

For guys, I would just like to tell you that the architecture is horrible, and this bathroom has the most illogically-placed urinals I have ever seen. (Watch the video to understand what I mean.)

4. John T. Washington Center (Breezeway), Near UCF Federal Credit Union

Based on criteria that I consider valuable, I have rated this as the best bathroom on campus.

First of all, it is the most private bathroom anywhere. Once you go inside, it locks and the entire bathroom is only for one person. If you are bladder shy and need that extra privacy, this is second to none.

Furthermore, there is never a wait since most people do not know this bathroom exists. (This will soon change, however, with the release of this review).

The bathroom is spacious, clean and air conditioned, which makes it incredibly comfortable. Granted, it’s an older bathroom, but do not let the old image get int he way of the modern luxury.

For privacy, exclusivity, cleanliness, and functionality of amenities, this bathroom takes the cake. (A very warm, delicious cake).

Disclaimer: Do not confuse this bathroom with another bathroom on the breezeway across from Chick-Fil-A, which is not as nice.