New Last Minute SGA Presidential Ticket?
Columns, UCF SGA — By Blake Stockton on February 19, 2010 at 9:13 pmThis past week I’ve heard a lot of blah, blah, blah from the two tickets running for SGA President and Vice President. Well I’m tired of hearing the same old crap. I’m tired of listening to trite SGA drama. And I’m tired of voting for whoever has the coolest t-shirt! Ladies and Gentlemen, that’s why I’ve decided to run for President!! I want real change. I want real fun. I want more money wasted, I mean spent. I actually just want to win. But, if you vote for me, here are some ideas you can expect to be never implemented:
Nap Room. Do you ever find yourself falling asleep in class?? Of course you do. That’s why I want a nap room. Let’s actually use the fourth floor in the Student Union for good! In this room I want Enya playing twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. I want dim lighting. I want Purple Drank (yeah, search it, it’s a drink that makes you sleepy), and I want quiet!
El corral on campus. That’s right, no more will you have to travel over by the UCF hood and the condemned Pub (RIP) to buy this cheap, scrumptious food. You got five bucks? Then you got yourself some chicken, rice, beans, and weird sauce in gross bottles. Eat it between classes or take it to go!
Professor Dunk Tank. I say let’s take the 30 worst rated professors on Rate My Professor and force them in a dunk tank! I know there are some students that absolutely despise their professors. It’s right there under the professor’s comments. I’m talkin’ to those of you who are A and B students, and unfortunately get a D or F due to your worst enemy’s poor organization or strict attendance policy. Well here’s your chance to get ‘em back. The dunk tank will be in the middle of the Student Union with your least favorite professor in it, and you get a chance to completely embarrass them!! Who’s with me??
Free UCF ish. We all know T-shirts are boring. If you give me your vote, this homecoming you can expect free UCF items, such as, themed socks, sweatbands, boxers, sandals, Knightro bobble heads, Coach O’Leary bobble heads, themed connies, towels, bumper stickers, key chains, pencils, beltbuckles, thongs (girls and guys), shot glasses, and onsies. All for free!!
3-D online lectures. They’re boring enough! Why not spice them up with some 3-D, Avatar style??
Pool Party at Hitt’s House. Did you earn a 4.0 and make the President’s honor roll? Probably not, but if you did then you get to attend a pool party at none other than President Hitt’s house! No splashing!
On top of all that, I’ll take a page out of Obama’s book and say I’m closing Guantanamo Conduct, aka Student Conduct, and then never do it!
This year the two candidates are all about the students. Students this, students that. Well I say screw that, I’m all about myself! I have the best ideas and the students know nothing!! If I win it’ll my resume booster, my awesome parking pass, and my sweet pay check. The difference is ME!
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22 Comments
Blake, your material is awesome. Anyone who says otherwise is a stupid hick.
Purple draannnkk is the shiiizzzzzzzzzle.
Just popped one open..
…knocks me out faster than an elephant
tranquilzer
byeee
Everyone needs to calm down. Isn’t that the point of this article after all? You are attacking Blake when all he did was write something for entertainment purposes. He is not involved with the endorsement of either candidates, nor does he care about which one you are voting for. It is supposed to be funny and lighten the mood, since everyone (obviously from the look of these comments) gets so worked up about the elections. Read the other articles he has posted on this website, they’re a mixture of both funny and intellectual.
The idea of a nap room is great Blake! Keep up the good work. I enjoy all your articles (But maybe that is because I have a sense of humor, and the ability to tell satire from serious, unlike the rest of these people)
You guys really need to chill the f*** out. The only time anyone even cares who is SGA president is is during election time. After that, everyone will just forget and go back to living their normal lives. Obviously having a qualified candidate win the election is important but there is no need to be so mean to eachother just because of this. This article is obviously a joke, it is cute and you people need to pull the sticks out of your asses. Lock it up UCF.
I like people who have been using their real names in the comments. It shows that you actually have something legitimate/credible to say and could give a crap what others have to think about your opinion. It’s the only real way to have an opinion taken seriously.
As for this article, I think it’s great that someone is taking a stab at the entire election itself because most of us can agree that the format is pretty stupid for how the elections themselves go.
It’s pretty well known that I am a Kilbride/Lochrane supporter and I am proud to say so openly. I have my own opinions and if you would like to debate with me on it, look for me in the trenches this week.
As for Knightnews.com, I am a fan of how it takes its route on news coverage. It’s entertaining and keeps things lively. It’s meant to rival the Future by being a bit of an opposite rather than try and replace it as the campus news source. Having the balls to be this kind of news source is not easy, so commend them on a job well done.
Everyone, definitely including myself, needs to do as Danny Peterson said in the comment below me and lighten up a bit. Let’s save all of our energy for when we are bitching at each other and pandering votes with pizza and stickers this next week. It’s gonna be a blast.
As for the election itself, everyone that goes out there and busts their ass for 3 days is going to get A LOT out of the experience. You are going to meet a ton of people from both sides of the campaign that are doing great things for this campus so please make sure you don’t lose sight of that. Things will get nasty and I know for a fact that I am going to get into some arguements with good friends of mine, but don’t let this small event tarnish your morals and/or reputation on this campus.
Good luck to everyone this next week.
P.S. I am more than open for anyone who has opinions to share with me to do so. Just please have the balls to face me as a human and not as an anonymous person or consider this me calling you a twat. Good Day.
Satire- the use of irony, sarcasm. It is most often recognised in the political sense of making light of genuinely serious problems and issues.
To those bashing the writer-
You should be upset and should not enjoy his piece of work. Why, you ask? Because he is making fun of you and the rest of your idiot friends who get all worked up over these SGA elections.
I think Blake is like the rest of the sane UCF population. Nobody cares about either candidates because neither are appealing. We make our decision by whoever annoys us the least during election time.
The Future endorses a candidate every year, including last year with Peterson/Andrick. If the future decides not to endorse someone this year, you should not forget they have in the past.
So far Kilbride/Lochrane supporters are by far the most annoying, so please take a chill pill and enjoy your time in college. Getting worked up over this isnt worth it.
Well UCF does have a TV station… http://www.ucf.tv
Its on brighthouse channel 1 or 99 depending on the area…
It would be pretty cool if Knight News got a weekly show on there or something, I’d watch it for sure. I heard they were looking for more low budget material to add to the station…
the fact that the guy who wrote this article is defending himself on the comments so much is even more pathetic…get a clue knightnews.com
So, #1, I clicked on that damn worst web site link whoever put, and thank god I use google chrome… it gave me the option of getting out of there!
#2. This was a great way for knightnews to lighten the mood.
#3. I think Knightnews is pretty damn good at both making me laugh and keeping me informed. I remember when they exposed the Vortex Guy being a criminal. They are like NBC … you have the nightly news, and you have saturday night live. We don’t have a tv station at ucf… so why the hell can’t you be happy at least now we have something that comes close!?
To all those who took this site super seriously and think it’s supposed to be professional are idiots themselves. This site always had the Serious to Hilarious tagline, and if you don’t remember, one of the first things was a small documentary on toilets at UCF. I like Knightnews because it’s friendly. I look here for UCF-specific events that wouldn’t be covered by the Orlando Sentinel or CFF. It seems to be run in a very relaxed way like many blogs. If you want serious news sources, go to the New York Times. If you want real jokes of a news source, look at the Orlando Slantinel.
I personally found this article funny. 3D classes, Avatar style? Hahaha. It’s just sad some people can’t take a joke. I bet they think Colbert is actually a staunch conservative as well.
First, I like when people use web courage, similar to booze’s liquid courage, but with the internet. If you want to be taken seriously when you write a comment then leave your full name.
Second, I personally don’t feel strongly for any of the candidates. It seems like Killbride is the older guy who basically wants to continue what’s already going on in SGA. That could be a good thing or a bad thing. Seefe is the younger guy who has more new ideas, but whether all of those can all be accomplished is a good question.
Third, I wrote this not to diminish SGA. I think they accomplish a lot and help build the UCF community. I did write this for a couple of laughs and to poke fun at all the dopey comments that have been written. Also, if you don’t like Knightnews then don’t read it. It’s a website that informs and entertains for college studens. Don’t get your britches in a twist.
Thats a bit of an overstatement. Considering the millions of web sites created all over the world in hundreds of languages, are you seriously considering this THE worst web site ever? Besides, this is the worst web site: http://www.theworstwebsite.com/. Click and enjoy!
re: chill
yeah… “from serious to hilarious” too bad this is neither. worst site ever.
Seriously, this is just a joke. Everyone needs to chill. Knightnews advertises “From Serious to Hilarious,” not as a strict news source. A good laugh is what everyone needs. Besides, many schools have dark, public rooms used so people could just relax for half an hour or so. Also, I think a Knightro bobblehead would be cool.
Did i once say fox was credible? Jumping to conclusions? How are you going to compare something to another thing that i didn’t say. And are you four? you need a nap room? Thats why you pay for housing.
“Newspapers and news sites are supposed to remain unbiased and report the facts.” What do you call Fox News and CNN? Talk about bias. Face it, every major news source is.
BTW, I think a nap room is a great idea. Why have a fourth floor and not use it?
Way to make Knightnews look SOOO professional…
Yupp agreed. No credibility.
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Even joking like this goes to show you how much of a joke Knightnews is and their endorsees…sorry guys i usually follow you, but after this whole endorsement thing, from a business stand point you just lost a lot of credibility. Newspapers and news sites are supposed to remain unbiased and report the facts. Thats your job.
its satirical, i’m not actually running..
id rather vote for sarah palin then you…and thats saying something.
I’m still voting Daniel and Kevin.