This past week I’ve heard a lot of blah, blah, blah from the two tickets running for SGA President and Vice President. Well I’m tired of hearing the same old crap. I’m tired of listening to trite SGA drama. And I’m tired of voting for whoever has the coolest t-shirt! Ladies and Gentlemen, that’s why I’ve decided to run for President!! I want real change. I want real fun. I want more money wasted, I mean spent. I actually just want to win. But, if you vote for me, here are some ideas you can expect to be never implemented:
Nap Room. Do you ever find yourself falling asleep in class?? Of course you do. That’s why I want a nap room. Let’s actually use the fourth floor in the Student Union for good! In this room I want Enya playing twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. I want dim lighting. I want Purple Drank (yeah, search it, it’s a drink that makes you sleepy), and I want quiet!
El corral on campus. That’s right, no more will you have to travel over by the UCF hood and the condemned Pub (RIP) to buy this cheap, scrumptious food. You got five bucks? Then you got yourself some chicken, rice, beans, and weird sauce in gross bottles. Eat it between classes or take it to go!
Professor Dunk Tank. I say let’s take the 30 worst rated professors on Rate My Professor and force them in a dunk tank! I know there are some students that absolutely despise their professors. It’s right there under the professor’s comments. I’m talkin’ to those of you who are A and B students, and unfortunately get a D or F due to your worst enemy’s poor organization or strict attendance policy. Well here’s your chance to get ‘em back. The dunk tank will be in the middle of the Student Union with your least favorite professor in it, and you get a chance to completely embarrass them!! Who’s with me??
Free UCF ish. We all know T-shirts are boring. If you give me your vote, this homecoming you can expect free UCF items, such as, themed socks, sweatbands, boxers, sandals, Knightro bobble heads, Coach O’Leary bobble heads, themed connies, towels, bumper stickers, key chains, pencils, beltbuckles, thongs (girls and guys), shot glasses, and onsies. All for free!!
3-D online lectures. They’re boring enough! Why not spice them up with some 3-D, Avatar style??
Pool Party at Hitt’s House. Did you earn a 4.0 and make the President’s honor roll? Probably not, but if you did then you get to attend a pool party at none other than President Hitt’s house! No splashing!
On top of all that, I’ll take a page out of Obama’s book and say I’m closing Guantanamo Conduct, aka Student Conduct, and then never do it!
This year the two candidates are all about the students. Students this, students that. Well I say screw that, I’m all about myself! I have the best ideas and the students know nothing!! If I win it’ll my resume booster, my awesome parking pass, and my sweet pay check. The difference is ME!