Time to Euthanize the Tiger

I realize that the statement I am about to say contains a good bit of hypocrisy, but I think it’s about time that we collectively drop the whole Tiger Woods fiasco. After what seems like an eternity of relentless media coverage, it’s time to put down the Tiger, and I don’t mean in the way media has been putting him down. The whole thing was dead in the water a week or two after it hit, and yet…here we are.

I was hoping to have this whole thing blow over in due time and get back to real news stories (thanks a lot for getting caught in a slow news cycle, Tiger) and when it seemed like we had all but forgotten about this travesty, he pokes his head out of the woods and makes a multi-network television apology.

I see why it’s such a big deal, but Tiger’s actions come as no surprise. And when a person has gotten as much money as he’s made, it gives the illusion of immortality. Men cheat. Women cheat. Athletes and senators and everybody in between cheat. It is an unfortunate part of life. It’s nothing new to see people in the public eye be unfaithful, but then again, the media frenzy that follows also comes as no surprise.

Admittedly, Orlando seems to attract the more fantastic of these crazy love stories, like astronaut Lisa Nowak back in 2007 who allegedly donned a pack of diapers to skip bathroom stops and drove some 900 miles from Texas to Florida to kidnap the girlfriend of her love interest…(out of this world, right?). Maybe we are so bombarded by this because it’s so close to home, but even then, it’s time to give it up.

I didn’t watch the apology. From what I imagine, it would be scripted and schmaltzy and didn’t have an ounce of truth. Cheetah—I mean, Tiger—isn’t sorry, he’s just sorry he couldn’t keep his multiple partners paid off and hidden in the corner for too long.

Honestly, we’ve seen enough. It’s between him and his wife and no one else. The faster he makes a decision whether he gets back into golfing or not is the faster we can collectively move on and bury the whole thing. He’s apologized, now he should salvage what little good image he has left and move on from there. If I was in his shoes, I’d shut up about it, learn my lesson, and continue golfing better than ever in an effort to regain lost sponsorships.

On the other hand, Tiger deserves an apology too. Those disgusting women of his should at the very least express regret at their actions of courting a married man, and for using him for their own personal gain. Perhaps if they were to look for single men, then they’d find a guy who wanted them for something other than being easy.

And what of Elin? Personally, I think she should divorce him and move on. However, she may just keep the cheater just because it would be hard to part with all his golf-gotten-gains. Either way, she got the raw end of the deal and has the equally attractive choices of a sharp rock and a jagged hard place.

Whether he was sincerely apologetic or not, his apology does not reduce his responsibility to his family and friends. Hopefully the stint in the sex clinic helped his proclivity for skanky big-mouths and will help him return to his position as top golfer so we can all await the next big scandal to hit.