Everybody goes, but not everyone knows where to go when you’ve got to.

Thats why I, Justin Levy, took it upon myself to find the number one places to go when you need to go number two. This is a two-part series highlighting the best and worst bathrooms on campus. Up first, the best bathrooms on campus:

In each bathroom I investigated, I kept an eye out for cleanliness, privacy, soap quality and exclusivity with every aspect of the facilities. Then I gave each one a overall score, on a scale of zero to five stalls.

Now I know everyone has their own bathroom tastes, so if you don’t look for the same VIP treatment I do when I go to the bathroom, feel free to judge the bathrooms on your own using our exclusive undercover video investigation of the best bathrooms on campus.

Here is the locations and full review of the top three bathrooms we found in our investigation:

3. Psychology Building Third Floor

The number three bathroom on this list really establishes that VIP treatment.

It’s a known fact that P. Diddy never opens the door for himself, someone always opens it for him. With this bathroom, everyone gets that Diddy/ P. Diddy/ Puff Daddy treatment with an automatic door that opens with the press of a button.

The bathroom itself is kept better than most four star hotels, with a shelf ready to relieve you of your bags, before you relieve your bladder. The architecture of the bathroom rivals the house Leonardo DiCaprio put up on the market recently. It is a modern work of art with one urinal to ensure privacy as well as a walk in stall to keep your claustrophobia at bay.

The sinks themselves have great water pressure as well as the most revolutionary invention since the wheel, foam hand soap.

Overall, I have to give this bathroom 4 out of 5 stalls.

2. John T Washington Center (Breezeway)

This bathroom is the previous number one bathroom on campus, but it has been de-porcelain-throned.

The key to this bathroom is privacy.

With this bathroom it’s never a case of Game of Porcelain Thrones. All you have to do is walk in, lock the door behind you, and the entire bathroom is yours so you can let your hair down, along with your pants.

If your bladder is shyer than that one new kid in high school from New Jersey who moved here because his parents retired even though all of his friends are still in New Jersey and they say “Justin you’ll make new friends” then you reply “I don’t know anyone in class mom why did we move here?” Then this bathroom is for you.

Not only is this bathroom one of the best kept secrets on campus, but it is also one of the best kept bathrooms in general. Well stocked with toilet papaer at all times and complete with the revolutionary foam soap, you can sit back and relax and enjoy your time on the porcelain throne. For your security, there’s even a fire alarm in the bathroom in case there is an emergency going on during your emergency.

The one downfall is that when we investigated this bathroom, the hot water wasn’t working, forcing me to give this former champion 4.5 out of 5 stalls.

1. Student Union First Floor (behind the Ms. Fields)

It’s a fundamental bathroom theory that the higher the floor, the cleaner and more exclusive the bathroom.

This bathroom puts that theory to rest.

As soon as you walk in you’re hit with an aroma of fresh lavender with a hint of bleach, as if Mr. Clean himself is whispering into your ear, “this bad boy is clean”.

As for privacy, nothing beats this bathroom. Two urinals for every shape and size, including a wall divider between the two.

Then comes the real icing on the urinal cake: have you ever been sitting in the stall and noticed the little crack between the door that could reveal everything to whoever decides to peak in? I know I have. This stall has a brush between that crack keeping your privates, private.

Then once you get to the sinks(complete with step stool in case you cant reach) you’re welcomed with the technological marvel that is foam soap, and the most advanced hand dryer in the building. Not only that, if you’re one of the people that just doesn’t think soap gets the job done, at the door there is hand sanitizer ready to burn off the top layer of skin on your hands revealing new, perfect hands. Of course, that is not to be taken literally.

Ladies and gentlemen, with a rating of 5 out of 5 stalls, this is the best bathroom on campus.