Music is dead. Well, maybe not really dead, but it’s certainly in a coma, possibly with a DNR order placed. This edition of Music Monday will delineate only a few of the many ways that good music is slowly but surely leaving the airwaves.
Culprit #1: Auto-Tune
At some point, being able to actually sing stopped being a requirement for being a singer. Auto-Tune software, a program that filters a lack of musical talent into a magic box of sorts and makes singing ability appear, is the very item responsible for making untalented hacks famous, in spite of having little (or no) singing talent.
This software pretty much spits in the face of legitimately talented folks who slaved over their voices without the use of computer assistance- Frank Sinatra, Tina Turner, The Beatles, and a whole mess of others. It has lulled a great many performers into a musical madness, and it infects the populace whenever the radio is turned on and tuned in.
Some singers have admitted to using it as a cover-up for the occasional sound problem, and that’s okay, (in interest of saving time and money, it’s efficient, I’ll give it that much credit) but when auto-tune composes your entire performance to the point where it sounds like a robot is singing, there is something wrong.
Guilty Parties:
Cher used it once in the 90s, but since my age consisted of a single digit back then I don’t think myself qualified to call her out on that, but she’s credited as its first user, so she needed a mention. But more recently, “artistes” such as Jamie Foxx (who honestly should just stick to acting), Akon (who probably talks in auto-tune too), Maroon 5, Owl City and Kanye West (more on him later) just lather it on as if it’s their last clutch at singing talent.
Oh wait.
Exception:
The exception to the auto-tune atrocity is The Gregory Brothers, a Brooklyn based family of musicians who use the software to set the news to song, making the news worth watching. Their specialty is setting Katie Couric to song, and singing along with her. What makes this even better, however, is that they can actually sing.
Culprit #2: American Idol
I hate this show a great deal. I punish my psyche and my eardrums by tuning in (on purpose) for the first few episodes that lure the straight-up-stone-cold-stir-crazies out the woodwork and onto the stage. They make me laugh, and really make me enjoy singing in my car, alone and unheard and certainly not internationally embarrassed.
But even then, some people made it entirely too far, and others obviously forgot to amply medicate themselves before leaving their place of residence. People go on the show with all manner of song-butchering weapons in their arsenal.
This is includes everything from forgetting lyrics to scrawling them across the back of their hand or some other thing, to “singing” way off key (and shut up Randy Jackson, any song is pitchy, since sounds have PITCH!), to insulting judges when they don’t fall into their delusion, to lying to viewers worldwide that they have the voice of an angel when in reality they sound like demons screaming bloody murder.
Guilty Parties:
Sanjaya Malakar comes to mind instantly. Due to his hair and the typical obsessive quality of any girl under the age of 14, he made it way too far when he was outclassed by everyone that was in the top 30 or so.
William Hung was absolutely horrible, and yet cashed in on his utter lack of any remnant of singing talent…by singing. It’s this sort of logic that makes humanity’s collective psyche shrivel up and die.
Corey Clark (no relative of mine) got as far as he did for being easy on the eyes, and being a scandalous so-and-so.
Exceptions:
The exceptions to American Idol include the winners (to an extent), and those who made a name for themselves in spite of not winning-Chris Daughtry and Jennifer Hudson especially.
Culprit #3: Mainstream Hip Hop
In the simplest of terms, Kanye West is a jerk. Lil Wayne is horrible. Jay-Z is alright but he’s not my cup of tea (and he doesn’t like auto-tune either, so he’s cool in my book). And mainstream hip-hop at the moment is a waste of time. Their collective overinflated egos and the copious amounts of alcohol no doubt circulating in their bloodstreams contribute to their part in the death of music, more specifically, hip hop.
Yo Kanye, I’m really happy for you, and I’mma let you finish,
but Atmosphere is the greatest rapper of all time! OF ALL TIME!
Neither of these people are lyrical. They just…talk. Rap doesn’t necessarily mean singing, but at least get a flow that doesn’t consist of grunts and swearing. If I was half as arrogant and twice as bored, I could pull off something similar in quality to their mindless rambling.
The fact that they get considerably higher radio play than FAR better artistes (Atmosphere, Junk Science, Psyche Origami, El-P, Collective Efforts, Braille…I could list page after page) only shows that the mainstream is going nowhere.
Guilty Parties:
Kanye and Wayne.
Exceptions:
Jay-Z, I suppose. He did something with Ratatat and that was good, so I can’t completely hate him.
Culprit #4: MTV
There is something wrong with television if there is a channel proclaiming they play music in their very title…when all they show is the vapid exploits of idiotic teenagers, idiotic parents of idiotic teenagers and idiotic “reality” television.
I honestly don’t remember when last I saw music on MTV that wasn’t at an hour before sunrise or as an afterthought in between shows as an ad-lib commercial. They need to change their name to Stupid Television, because for one, it’s the truth, and two, we could all collectively sue them for false advertising and I’m sure MTV wouldn’t like that on their plate.
MTV makes me want to buy a baseball bat and obliterate my television, if only to salvage my brain cells.
Guilty Parties:
MTV and all its counterparts are all culprits here.
Exceptions:
There will not be an exception to this until MTV implodes on itself and executives revert to the days when music was played on…Music Television.
Culprit #5: Reggaeton
I’ve never heard reggaeton played at a normal, non-eardrum rupturing volume. That’s because my exposure to reggaeton is limited to being stopped at red lights in traffic and being parked somewhere. This is probably one of the worst genres I’ve been unfortunate enough to be pummeled with, not because I don’t understand it (I love international music) but because it’s musically redundant.
I am yet to hear a reggaeton song that didn’t feature the dull “bum-ba-dum-bam-bum” beat over and over and OVER again. That’s all I hear. I don’t hear words or instrumentals or anything but the prominent thuds of an overexaggerated bass line.
Guilty Parties:
Every single reggaeton artist. There are no exceptions to this (not even Pitbull- the only difference is that the drums aren’t so obnoxious).
Culprit #6: Remixes
I am not a fan of remixes. I mean, if it sounded great before, why change it? Adding bland vocals (and auto-tune, more than likely) doesn’t really help anything. Sure, it may provide something new to listen to, but in essence, it’s weak and brings nothing new to the table.
To top it all off, it won’t be long before remixes of remixes start popping up, promoting a vicious musical cycle. Furthermore, it just shows how uncreative the remixer is by taking someone else’s work and messing with it, rather than using their own talent and coming up with something new.
Guilty Parties:
It’s hard to place the blame on any one entity since at some point really famous musicians have gotten remixed (usually badly). It’s no fault of the original creator, just the bland person who chose to remix something.
Exceptions:
Well, I think modern day classical music is a nice spin on things- but only if you listen to and appreciate the original first. Boom Boom Room (a production musician) and Sly/Fly/Badman (also a production musician) have done remixes of everything from the Habanera from Carmen to the Wedding March and they do exceptional work.
Who knows? Maybe one day auto-tune will be destroyed, American Idol will be cancelled, Kanye and Wayne will get their mouths taped over, MTV will be involved in a hostile takeover by aliens who like good music, reggaeton will die and remixes would cease to exist.
Until then, music, or at least, my estimation of good music, will be very difficult to find.
